It amazes me how much the world and the people around us influence who we are. The day I knew I was coming into my own was when I looked at both of my parents, and for the first time ever I saw Two.Normal.Human.Beings. I didn't see the superman or the superwoman I saw two people who just like me, are trying every single day to figure it out.
I have found myself in some very interesting, odd and random 'situationships'... some people seem to find the whole relationship thing very easy but I have always had a somewhat out of the norm experience with it all. Darn socialisation! Indirectly moulding me in a way that I am super conscious of the opinion of men, that I would envy the girls who flowed so freely in the company of guys, the females who were seen as pretty before they even spoke, that I would wear my 'I can cook' badge whenever a man turned my way, that to me impressing someone was all about what made me the 'ideal woman'.... 'I don't go out like the other girls', 'I am a virgin', 'I attend my local church 6 times a week and offer my services to the homeless on a Tuesday', 'I bake the best pies'..... I wish you could all see how much I am laughing right now - Lord what a drip!
In the words of my dear idol Chimamanda my whole existence was drenched in building myself up to be so alluring and attractive to men! One thing I have realised is there are many routes to this... from the woman who pulls her top down a bit more for a discount at the mechanics to the woman who wears her virginity as accolade of being somewhat more valuable, all routes miss the point....
I. Am. Alive. For. Me.
I truly believe you cannot feel or enjoy true fulfilment and satisfaction until you begin to pay attention to yourself. Selfish?
I argued with a woman once about this, she found my views selfish and 'modern', she proceeded to inform me that women like me were the problem with society and finished off with the famous 'back in the days everyone knew their place, women did women things and men did men things'.... Sigh! I have one response 'when people know better, they do better'.... women would not be standing up to have their voices heard if the systematic infrastructure of gender/relationships was one of justice, mutual consideration and true, free flowing, ever evolving love.
I decided a few years ago that I do not desire marriage. My parents squeal when I say it, but every time I vocalise it my reasoning behind my decision becomes more and more real. If you set yourself out to desire something you don't understand, something you are taught you 'need' to do, something that says being chosen/taken makes you more valuable then you miss out on the true love relationship between you and you. I have found because I no longer set it as a goal, I have more mental clarity when it comes to dating/relationships. I laugh at myself more, I can talk freely about how 'stubborn and clumsy' I am, knowing within that my aim is not to prove myself as some kind of 'prize'. I can walk away from something that is not for me - because my opinion matters too. I can put pretence aside and wear my 'real' because the only thing on offer is the real me! Experience is the real currency of life - who would we be without our little story to being us.
Forever Evolving!
I have some many mini points that I am trying to make in this piece.. but in basic terms - YOU MATTER. You're not a trophy or a prize... you're human... you're trying.... you're learning and evolving.... I advice that you should try to lead with your core as much as possible... not everyone is going to love you or like you... but that is absolutely fine... have a little moan about it and move on.
You are alive for you and no man pushed through the walls of a woman like you should ever make you feel less! You are always more.
For those of you who have found a firework connection with another human on this earth - I sincerely use this moment to celebrate your love.
Let us teach self love. Let us understand love. Let us celebrate quirks and kinks. Let us connect because it is what we want rather than what we need....
Priscilla Oshunremi
P.S. If I do some how get married I am wearing a jumpsuit with a cap!
hmm.. kinda weird opinion here
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