There
will be low days
There’ll
be good days and there’ll be bad days. Sometimes you’ll wake up
and you’ll know automatically which one it’s going to be and
sometimes the bad days will creep up on you around 2pm when you
realise you have no income, no (fixed) plan and no guarantees this
will work.
You
will feel like a failure...
....before
you’ve even started! A tiny part of you will wish you were one of
those people who are happy to work 9-5pm for someone else and may not
love their job but it’s money and that’s enough. Content with
what they have. You’ll feel like you’ve failed at being ‘normal’,
run of the mill. That beautiful fire/spark within that made you quit
your job in the first place to pursue your dreams will feel like a
curse and not a blessing.
Fear
and folly
What
have I done?? And why did I do it?? You left a well-paid, stable,
secure job without another one to go to by choice?? Are you insane??
If the more risk averse members of your family don’t ask you this,
the little voice inside your head will. Moments will creep up on you
where you’ll feel like your staring down a dark abyss and you have
no idea how to get back up or out and you’ll feel like a fool for
going down there in the first place.
You’ll
feet cut adrift
It’s
funny how it’s the little things that make us feel part of the
human race. Getting on the tube every morning, topping up your
oyster, having to get out of bed, idle office chit chat etc. Banal as
they may seem, it’s like the stitching on a piece of clothing;
unremarkable until it’s unravelled. There’ll be times you’ll
feel lonely as hell. You may not speak to another soul for the whole
day and it’ll feel like life is going on around you but without
you.
Your
passion may wane
This
is the kicker and definitely, for me, the scariest one. All those
dreams that seemed so delectable, so attainable when it was only your
mundane office job keeping you apart. Now there’s no barrier other
than the graft you’ll need to do to get there and suddenly it all
seems like a bit too much effort, a bit too impossible. But it’s
not laziness. It’s fear. If someone asks you to build a wall,
points you to the bricks and mortar and says ‘get going’, it’ll
take some muscle and sweat but you know the task at hand. This is a
different type of task; there are no bricks or mortar and you don’t
even know what kind of wall you want to build or whether you want to
even build a wall at all. Or whether, if you do, it’ll even be of
any use to anyone.
You’ll
question your worth
What
do I know? Who am I to do this? I’m not (insert adjective) enough.
Every single step you take, every thought, will be punctuated by
this. And you’ll feel shame, like your punching above your weight
or you’re at the big boy/girl table and you’ve got nothing to
contribute.
So
what do you do?
Have
faith
It’s
all you have really. There are so many variables and there are no
guarantees but if you’re someone like me who ordinarily plans
everything to the nth degree and takes 10 minutes to even decide
which toothpaste to get, to have got this far is a miracle in itself.
To have jumped this deep, feet first with no harness is no accident.
It is no small thing. Have faith that whatever made you take that
leap is a calling, your ‘gift’. The world needs what you have to
offer. They say ‘genius is a whisper and not a shout’. So listen.
The steps may not always be apparent but you’ve taken the first
one.
Take
pride...
You
did what many people only dream about. If everyone’s got a book in
them then everyone also has something they’d love to do and you’re
doing it. Unless you’re Richard Branson, I’m also guessing
there’s some risk involved; mortgage, rent, bills, livelihood yet
this hasn’t deterred you. Be proud. You may feel terrified and
silly for even dreaming so big but you’re one of the chosen few.
You wanted more and you’re doing something about it.
...but
not too much
It
may be a while before your business launches or you are in a position
to make a living. You may need to work part-time and take on flexible
hours that only lower paid, perhaps more junior roles can offer. It
will be humbling but swallow your pride; it is purely a means to an
end. If you can get a job that at least covers your bare necessities
but gives you the flexibility and freedom to build your business it’s
a win-win. It won’t be easy and you will need to tighten your belt
but keep your eye on the bigger picture.
Embrace
the bad days
Like
I said above, there will be some. There will be moments when you’ll
feel like the most worthless, lonely and incapable fool there is. And
these moments may last hours but try not to give it a whole day.
Don’t try and eat or drink (or whatever your poison) out of it
either. Trust me, it doesn’t work. Feel it. Let it floor you if it
needs to then pick yourself up and do something; exercise, journal,
go for a walk, complete a task – however small it is – just do
something.
Enjoy
the ride
You
are awake. Your senses, that inner part of you where all your
creativity comes from is awake. A life without colour is numbing at
best, heart breaking at worst. Stepping out on your own won’t be
easy but there is freedom and fulfilment and colour to be had in
abundance. Yes, you’ll miss that pay check every month but you’ll
become savvy with money and it’ll go a lot further because it has
to. Sure there’ll be sacrifices. Maybe you won’t go out as much.
Maybe you’ll drink and eat out less. But that will do as much for
your health and waistline as it’ll do for your bank balance. View
this as the time to focus on you. Exercise, get fit, nourish your
body and soul. Read, learn expand your mind. Grow. You will make
mistakes, you may fail but we are each more infinitely powerful than
we could ever imagine.
I’ll
end on one of my favourite quotes by the author Marianne Williamson;
“Our
deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that
we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness
that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'
Actually,
who are you not to be?”
Written
by Josephine Ijeh
The ConveHERsation is the digital platform for Women Of Power UK
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