You know what, I like to be real, I love cutting out all the rubbish and getting to the route of the problem, I used to be the kind of woman that would suppress so many emotions inside as a means to not come across as 'weak', I wanted to have all the answers and I just never wanted to have to admit 'Im not ok'. Life can be such a task sometimes, we all have days when we would prefer to just blend in with our beds and not have to get on with it, we have days when we questions so many things, days when we just want to give up! Its normal, like they say its OK not to be OK, what is not cool is remaining in that mindset.
Now what you will notice about me is i love talking about 'setting standards and sticking to them' Why? because it took me so long to actually look myself in the mirror and realise that I had all the right ideas, theories, I knew what to say when i was around people, I could provide solid advice but my own personal life wasn't reflecting what I put out. So I had to challenge myself, challenge my ability to see my standards through, challenge my everyday thinking.
We all have things that we wish we could change 'I wish I had bigger boobs...I wish my voice wasn't so deep....I wish I could dance like her' whatever it is, if it is not detrimental to your health, well being and if it will not add to you as a person then not only does it speak volume about where you are up there, but you are giving your so called weakness room to germinate! What then happens is you start to then see yourself as not being enough! The questions you need to then ask yourself is whose standards am I adhering to? and Why exactly am I not enough? Its all in the mind.
One thing that i personally used to do was indirectly seek the approval of others 'The people pleaser syndrome', isn't it funny how much weight we put into feeling accepted, its like we need that firm stamp of approval from others to confirm we are doing it the 'right way'. Now don't get me wrong it is important for us to feel loved and wanted, but it needs to be for the right reasons. You need to learn to approve of yourself first. You need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and speak words of affirmation to yourself. Look at that woman and acknowledge the growth, acknowledge the strength no matter how small they seem in your eyes, acknowledge your existence and apologise for every making that reflection feel less worthy than it should. Adopt a positive attitude towards your existence.
Half the time it comes down to you making a decision, decide to choose life, decide to be happy, consciously correct yourself when you undermine anything you do! There is nothing wrong with being critical but it must be on things that would benefit you if done better or looked at better.
See it like this 'the mind is a battlefield' and what you accept as truths start to become truths to you and you will start to play out your state of mind! Even if you come across as the most confident person in the room, it only takes a small amount of time for some to start noticing the cracks in your act, it would just be better to work on actually developing your confidence.
Fight a big fight against negative thinking, I don't what you may have been told growing up, what a guy may have said to you about your image, I don't know if you are battling with self-esteem issues on a daily basis but what do know is a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step and those that are mentally prepared for the journey are more equipped for whats ahead.
Take that step, don't let anybody or anything have a negative foothold on your thinking!
Like I always say I'm not saying the journey is easy, I still fall, however you must develop the willpower to stand against it.
So if you are in a toxic relationship that isn't helping develop your mental being, if it is draining you emotionally and having you question your value - Either demand change or take steps to get out of it! Don't give an irresponsible guy with a deadly tongue the power over you! Set the standard and let him know you will accept nothing less than to be respected!
If as a child you were bullied or went through some domestic issues that still play out in you, that still have you questioning yourself ! Allow yourself to let go, you owe yourself that much. You are killing yourself slowly by hanging on - Cry, write, sing but deal with it head on, if you need to talk to someone do it now but don't deny yourself life.
If you are in a career or if you are studying and you are not doing what best makes you shine, if you are constantly warring with yourself and know you should be doing something else! Start to pursue change, mute that voice in your head that says you cant do it, find some inner strength speak positively into your endeavours and start taking steps.
There are so many examples I can draw from but it all starts with the mind. We all must start to take note of our mental state and take steps to making changes where necessary and ill end with a quote from Stephen King 'you can, you should and if you're brave enough to start, you will' Start that journey today!
Priscilla
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