Friendships
are sometimes more intimate relationships than romantic ones. We
share so much with our close friends; its easy, effortless and you
become part of one another. And most friendships have a natural life
cycle. Often people are drawn together by circumstance – education,
the single life, work – and as our situations change, our paths go
in different directions. And sometimes friendships can gradually
drift apart.

Whey they
criticise everything you do and are constantly negative
Criticism
can start with the little things, but soon the focus will shift onto
the things you’re most passionate about and they will make you feel
terrible about it. Although we need people who are honest and warn
you if you’re doing something wrong, you don’t need judgmental
people who always look down on you and the decisions you make. The
majority of the time their criticism will come from jealousy. And
whilst a little jealousy is healthy, unjustified criticism isn’t
constructive or even necessary.
There
are so many sources of negativity in our lives and it doesn’t help
if you are surrounded by people who are always ‘glass half empty’.
If you hang out with pessimists, you are more likely to develop a
negative mindset yourself. And those that are constantly resentful,
moaning or unhappy are usually selfish and less likely to engage with
you. You just don’t need that kind of vibe in your life.
When they are
jealous of your life and opportunities
Sure,
it’s sometimes nice to know that someone is a little jealous,
because it makes you feel even better about your success. But envy
and jealousy are the root cause of many relationship and friendship
breakups, as they are emotions that are more difficult to address
gracefully. People who are constantly jealous, will never be happy
for you when good things happen. They will in turn, criticise and
bring you down with negativity. You want to surround yourself with
people who support you, fight your corner and who are genuinely happy
to help you move forward.
When they make no
effort and you’re the only one fighting
Adults
don’t need to talk daily in order to validate a friendship – but
what we do need is to know that the other party is just as interested
in our company, as we are in theirs. It’s human nature; we like
confirmation that we are desired and wanted (in a non-sexual way).
After all, friendships are a 50/50 split.
There
are instances when people truly are busy, whether it be work
commitments, family etc and it can be completely out of their
control. But it is in their control to also ask how you’re doing
and to keep you around. You have to ask yourself, if those people who
constantly drop plans, always rearrange and never answer your
messages (within a sensible time frame of course) are they worth the
disappointing pain you always feel? You are worth so much more than
to be in a disappointing friendship.
You
cannot force someone to be interested in your life especially
when you’re the one making all the effort. Consider this: if you
accidentally got your finger caught in an open flame, would you
continue putting your finger in the flame on purpose? Knowing you
would cause yourself pain again and again? This can be said for
friendships, why continually make effort with someone and get nothing
back, just to cause yourself emotional pain and upset?
It
will become obvious when someone isn’t there for you and they are
there for themselves. If your friend simply needs you to be their
audience and has no interest in your life, take a step back. You must
explicitly call it quits if you have an ‘enabling [or]
disappointing friendship’.
When
you’re lying to each other and not being honest
Sadly,
many friendships end needlessly because people are too afraid to
acknowledge conflict. If you notice yourself withdrawing from someone
who really matters to you, you have to ask yourself why. Any
meaningful friendship is bound to provoke difficult feelings, once
you accept that, you can talk about things as they come up and
there’s a good chance you’ll become closer.
But
despite best intentions, talking doesn’t always repair the rift.
Not everyone is able to listen without becoming defensive or blaming
the other person. Feelings stirred up by a close friend often echo
unresolved issues in their own life. Unless those feelings have
already been acknowledged, no amounts of discussion can save the
relationship.
Bottom
line: there’s no single template for friendship. Some people are in
our lives because they carry a precious shard of our history, while
others reflect our current passions and priorities. Nevertheless,
some are in danger of becoming ex-friends because we’re too
preoccupied to pick up the phone, too scared to speak our minds, or
the other isn’t willing to fight to save the relationship as much
as you are.
As
Virginia Woolf once said: “I have lost friends, some by death –
others through sheer inability to cross the street.”
I
recently lost my best friend, she decided enough was enough and gave
up. After a year long battle of me trying to cling on and salvage our
friendship, she walked away. And I let her. But it was not a decision
I made lightly. There comes a time when you’ve done everything you
can. When you risked losing your identity and self worth for someone
who didn’t want you. You have to realise that you deserve someone
to fight for you, you deserve someone to love you and want your
friendship. You just deserve better.
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