Why Walking Away From Suicide Is Easier Said Than Done...

I just want to note that I am writing this from a space of real personal experience. I have literally swam to the bottom of that dark dark dark place. I know what it feels like to wonder if your existence really matters that much... I have opened up about my struggles with anxiety but never how bad my mental state got. I rarely talk about it because it actually physically hurts me to think about being down and out.

Over the past week we have had two people in the public eye commit suicide. Kate Spade & Anthony Bourdain. I have come across tons of tweets, images, messages and articles attempting to mourn their tragedy. Whilst I do know that it all comes from a good place and that the people sharing suicide helplines and companies that help with people that are suffering from mental breakdowns are doing it out of the sincerity of their hearts, I can't help but wonder if this method isn't as effective as we need it to be. Maybe just maybe we are missing a trick....

The Suicidal Mind
When you look in a mirror and are fully convinced that your space on planet earth isn't sacred. When you have travelled so far with your thoughts, that losing your breath becomes a desire, a helpline becomes digits on a screen.... Asking for help Is The HARDEST Thing We Can Ask Someone To Do When They Are In That Sunken Place. It’s Always Worse When Your Physical Doesn’t Look ‘Obviously’ Messed Up. It Is Not As Simple As Us Pleading With People To Open Up About Their Issues...We Don’t All Know How To Ask, How To Talk & As Weird As It Sounds, In That Moment You Are Heavily Worried About The Way Will Perceive You for appearing so vulnerable. 

My point is not one to discredit establishments that strive to help people out of this, but I feel like the reason why people decide to follow through is due to how lonely that mental space is... you want the help. the help is there for the taking but despite this asking seems like such a redundant act.

As humans we spend such a long time 'sucking it up', learning to 'grow a pair' and 'getting on with it' that we often miss the point of how dangerous 'riding a storm' might be. In an age where almost all jobs require you to 'go the extra mile' aka lose yourself in your work aka work until the job is done, an age of comparing your image to one of an overly edited Instagram 'model', an age of gathering around for dinner with friends whilst you all play on your phones until the food arrives as opposed to talking, it is clear to say we have somewhat fallen off. We operate like robots and the issue with that is we are human. We are designed to feel, we need to communicate and because of this we can't operate like WI-FI and just be active 24/7 - we not only need downtime but we need time to release ourselves of that internal tension.. We NEED it.

Now I must say I do love how we have developed as humans, the way we have evolved is actually extraordinary and our world has become closer due to the wonders of the internet. One of the reasons I love the internet is its ability to connect us. It's ability to allow us to connect and to communicate with people who we probably wouldn't cross paths with. It allows us to share concepts, ideas, it helps us build networks, apply for jobs, post selfies and to debate theories. We must learn to use these communication solutions for the greater good and strike a balance.

We need to be more brave when it comes to sharing our stories, despite how painful it is. It is actually much harder than it seems because there is a big element of having to really be vulnerable and to lay yourself bare, but it is honestly one of the biggest helps ever. I am sure many of you have come across 'memes' (see image on the right) that you can relate to - you see it and you're almost mind blown that other people in the world also have that very same experience... it works in exactly the same way but with even more impact. You see a story of someone else and you just fit right into it.. nothing soothes the mind more than feeling like you're not alone. (There is a big difference in being told you're not alone and FEELING like you're not alone... one must feel it & that is often the hardest part - knowing it for yourself)

So with that being said - My name is Priscilla and I have struggled with mental health. I have actually walked down that very dark road and have considered whether it is all even worth it. It's weird because when you're in that space you genuinely can't see another way out, it never seems like it will get better and it feels so lonely. I would cry and then be upset at myself for allowing myself to cry. I now preach the power of a good cry. It is more than okay to cry because the pain you're experiencing is very real. I find there is a huge energy release when I cry, it helps me feel like I'm giving my pain back to the demon...

If you are a survivor I urge you to share your story. This online world we have built needs to shine some light to this. We can't keep losing lives to loneliness because that is what it is. Loneliness. Its feeling like there is no other way because no one will ever understand and get it. Often death is the only thing that shakes us as humans... let's not wait till then. 

Talk to your siblings, children, family about mental health and about how very normal it is for life to get on top of you. How feeling down and out doesn't make you weird but it makes you human and being human means so many different things... lets share how music, comedy, literature, love, exercise and a good old cry have helped our process of healing... let us share. Let us be open about the pressures we feel in our jobs, the insecurities that come with things like freelancing, the pressures we feel when our business is thriving but we are losing ourselves in the routine.... let us address bad patterns & bad cultures that praise overworking and do not promote downtime. If we share the problems we halve them - we raise awareness and we force a collective shift. One share can save many. It is our duty and I believe we are and should always be our brothers keeper. 

I have started to get into a habit of telling people how I really feel when they ask that infamous 'how are you?' line. It is funny how unprepared but how interested and how caring some people are when you say 'you know what today I feel crap'. There is a lot of love in the world despite its shortcomings.... For those of us who routinely ask 'How are you' lets be prepared to ask with real love and concern - let us be prepared to hear someone say 'I am not okay', sometimes we might need to hear something they didn't say...

I am one person with two hands but I am here if anyone wants to talk... just an email away.

I wish you healing.

Lots Of Love,
Priscilla Oshunremi x

My Email - hello@theconvehersation.com

Social Media: @WomenOfPowerUK

Images Souce: Free Istock

The ConveHERsation is the digital platform for Women Of Power UK

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